I am learning to pen down my thoughts but today I borrow words I just read from the comment section of a beautiful blog (http://www.cravingyellow.com/home/2016/9/when-love-fails), the journey of a healing woman.
As I have been duly informed, my ex got married a few weekends ago , and for some, its seems it was their task to inform me of the same , I completely and resolutely disconnected myself from every possible way I could ever remember him so dear informants I ask ?
# Is it really important that I know?
Am I supposed to cry or laugh or feel sorry or remorseful that it was her and not me?
Should I retrace my steps and punish myself for something that happened a little over 4 years ago?
I wonder, have I ever shown guilt or regret for the decision I made or is there any part of me that tells you a different story? (Lord please judge my heart. Am I right?)
People can be very funny you know, but for whatever reason you felt I should be informed or it made known , please read this and especially the part where Dee shares :
In order to love who I am, I cannot hate the experiences that shaped me.
Dee 3 days ago
Sending you virtual hugs…saw this piece and had to share it .Here it goes
There are many things I could say to you. Many of those words may not be very nice and most of them probably wouldn’t make a difference to you in any way. There are so many things I could say to you. But I’ll say this:
I forgive you.
I forgive you for keeping me up so many late nights wondering where you were, what you were doing, who you were with because you wouldn’t bother to tell me.
I forgive you for calling me names like crazy, psycho, annoying, all because I wanted you to love me, and only me.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for the tear stained cheeks from the countless fights about the same things over and over again because it seemed that no matter how much it hurt me, you didn’t care.
I forgive you “it won’t happen again” when it always did and the “give me another chance”s when you truly didn’t deserve them.
I forgive you for humiliating me in front of friends, family, and everyone who knew the truth about you and your inability to have respect and love for one person only.
I forgive you.
There is no hope in holding onto the anger and sadness of something that was not real. Holding a grudge against you only harms me. In order to love who I am, I cannot hate the experiences that shaped me.
Because of you, I am bent and broken. I may never be the same again. But maybe, just maybe… that’s a good thing.
Although I will never get back the many things you have taken from me, there is one thing I have and it is something I could never have while being with you. Self Worth.
So I forgive you.
See, it is because of you that I know what I want, what I need, and what I deserve.
It’s because of you that I now realize what it is truly like to be treated like a princess and to be with someone who gives me the world without making me feel worthless.
I am a lot of things because of you, but I am not forgiving you because what you did was okay. I forgive you solely because what you did to me made me smarter, stronger, and more confident.
But I am not giving you the credit. I am simply saying I forgive you because you dragged me down so far, I was forced to push myself back up. Me, myself, and I.
So, I forgive you.
I forgive you for making me believe that the never ending feeling of fear, sadness, and hopelessness was love.
Don’t worry, I forgive you.
The girl who is so much happier now.
#Endofrant! I couldn’t have articulated it better!
I pray if anything ,that the people I call my friends don’t become another reason for my insecurities to become louder.