The thing I like most about my sister is she got a lot of the quiet wisdom my mum had , and better yet being my twin she knows me pretty well . Looking over the past few months , I have had a quite a few blasts from the past . Pick anything from family I haven’t talked to in a long while to acquaintances or old friends that we simply just lost touch with.
My sisters take on this ;If someone goes out of their way to look for you and in most cases they do it in the grandest of ways , they want something !
So here I was , idle and bored and something pops up on the screen. We talked about weather, the cold season , work and pleasantries. Then everyone went quiet . Fast forward a week later , off we went adventure et al, last minute off-course but all the same , I am not one to turn down an offer to get away even in my dreams . I happen to have noticed over time that people know a lot about me and I have thing for sharing information at times too much , at times completely irrelevant details ,but all the same people take notes apparently.
Here´s the thing , that adventure opened a door I had closed for a total of about 4 years and with it came all the thoughts , flash floods of emotion , memories both good and bad and to some extent closure . They say “old habits die hard ” ,but then again , “the good doesn’t always last, and the bad usually gets worse.”
Here I am today and again the story goes on , when you find yourself incessantly scrolling through your timeline for a glimpse or tidbits of news and quickly overlooking any thing that will serve as a dreadful reminder or a reality check of what just happened. All in the same breathe you find yourself unnerved , quietly discomforted to say the least ,unsure and grateful all in same stride that maybe you might have just been spared or dodged a bullet all together. With a keep sake that you desperately want to turnover so that you can bury this once and for all and get on with the program me if anything.
I must say that to relive/relieve the memories was exasperatingly worth it . There very few people who hold you precious and choose to remind you when you need it most and at best take you through the worst chapters of your life. But the agony once more of having to remember and feel your heart break at the loss of what you had hoped for is shattering in the least .
I was told that it is important for me to give a voice to my hesitations and fears . The past in most cases never treats you kindly . In the midst of this desperate duel where on one end you hear, ´ help me resist ´and on the other end ´give me some help . ´In the end its just a game .
Alot of people have told me to let it be , but then again , “When the demons start coming out— that’s when you’re nearing the light! It’s hard for cockroaches to stay put without all the shadows. So in that case, keep on going! ”―C. JoyBell C.
“The good doesn’t always last, and the bad usually gets worse.”