A simple no!

This is a post I have been delaying for sometime , but the fact that I seem to keep needing to explain myself if not justify my choice of response, its about time I get round to saying exactly what has me perturbed.

I begin this post by paying tribute to one person I admire alot , her selfless, gentle ,yet fun nature . A mother to a beautiful 7 year old girl who embedded her place in my heart , my sister . I keep telling her time and time again that the best thing that has and will ever happen to her was Shiko being born . This girl transformed my sister into a completely different person in more ways than I could have ever fathomed. I actually quite find it unbelievable but yes it happened. Not to divert away from the main aim of this post but , what I admire most from my sister is the way she simply resigned to her daughters being. You see  the thing about having a child is,  as was echoed by a good friend of mine a few days ago : ´A  child is here to stay whether you want them or not. ´ Whether  your ready for them or not,  regardless of whether that child was planned or unplanned for ,  if fate for some twisted reason conspired for or against you ,´ a  child simply is ! ´ For the majority of us who are human I believe , can and will never ignore the cry of a child in desperation or helplessness.

All this said , I have watched my sister through thick and thin raise my niece and I can proudly say that she had done a fine job on her own  off-course with my help and sometimes I think it was God´s plan to have it this way . I help where I can or when my patience allows it and I can also say we sort of have a husband/ wife relationship with my sister . All in all what I can say from my experience summed up in  6 words : Raising a child is not easy ! It has its moments then they are the things you never talk about , like that day you only have Ksh. 20 in your pocket  and a hospital bill to pay or the nights spent awake in prayer  from high fever and this is just the cream of it . Back to my point , I give my sister all due respect for being a mother and a parent.

In light of all this , during the recent past months , I made a vow never to turn down a date no matter my inhibitions . Countless dates later  I seem to be getting  a vibe  that I rather don’t like or appreciate and it sounds something like , ´I have a pretty face , I can make very beautiful babies . ´This off-course I have known all my life but the thing that has me irked is how someone would question my nay response to this proposition.  I choose and I opt to say each and every single time  to anyone or anything that even  dares or attempts to offer up such an idea. Yes , I am selfish as another friend of mine told me , and yes I love my freedom and yes  there is a hint of vanity in this but please hear this if anything:I am the girl who loves to look at  wedding pictures , to listen to love songs , to imagine  and cook up names of my children and what father I envision  them to have . I dream of how I will run my home  and in what capacity  each member will role play . In  other words ,I have a very clear picture  of my plan .( Again ,yes in the perfect world in my head that I intend with God´s help to make a reality .)

I already  have a  very vivid image of my first wall hanging . This if anything should tell you that YES , I want a man , I want a family and YES, YES ,YES I want a home  and all this will be the prelude to my baby. So  my question to you is , what makes you think that I will simply give in  to a mere title of baby mama  or  more politely put mother to my children.???

Yes it can and it does happen ,no questions asked!  It happened to my sister not out of choice ,fate maybe or circumstance and there is no one to blame for this , but this I say now and for a very long time coming NO! I will not consciously make a decision to step into or become  a baby mama or anything close to that for anything . I am in control of my actions , I get to choose  and as long as I have this at hand my answer is NO !  By doing so I give my self a chance to love and be loved by a probable life partner , a chance to cultivate and build a foundation that I want to see carried forth to all my future generations. It is  by my standards not a decision I am making for now , it is mine for life and thank you for the polite compliment on beautiful babies, but there is more to a child than how they look …. ask me ,I have raised one  very beautiful angel.

In the words of Katy Perry:

People always ask me, ‘What is it that you regret?’ And I say, ‘nothing, because I could not buy what I’ve learned.’ And I apply those things to my life I learn. And hopefully, hopefully it helps me to be a better human in the future and make better choices.

This is exactly what I want !

This is exactly what I want !

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