So Saturday morning I was up early, the day was finally here , Dorcas´s Bridal shower. At the back of my mind I was looking forward to the sex talk so I got ready. We met up in town theme was bathroom and bedromm and guess what I bought … yeah…. after sex wet wipes 🙂 Like I said I was looking forward to the sex talk . So as we took a matatu to Ngara I got the gist of the bridal shower , it was actually a lady pastor , coming to give us the talk . Mmmmhh not what I was expecting but this was definately going to be interesting.
Our small group of girls was a very good mix of a lady who had been married but was separated , a lady going to get marrried Dorcas , two married ladies and the rest of the crowd me being a greater part of the still single and searching .
As Mrs. Obat started to speak, I tuned in … she was not exactly sure what to say or where to start but the opening line was so………. Then came the question to Dorcas, what do you expect to happen after you get married ? Then came the question to us and as we delved into the expectations, the conversation was set in motion …… By the end of the whole session I had gained insight and open -eye into marriage ,something that I had never even fathomed …. I was left with thoughts and more questions than I had answers to and better yet, I craved and yearned the silence that enveloped the room …… I heard what the married said , I heard what the single and still searching said , all at every turn affirmed by the both the marrried and the separated that was separated .
As I observed and listened it all started to dawn on me, I did infact know exactly what I did not want in a man or maybe a future husband but did I really know what I wanted ?
I took away a great many thoughts but I heard what was said and maybe just what was not said . I unlearned all that at this point I had and have learnt :
That the neck can and will never be above the head. The neck might control the movement of the head but just by virtue of its position, it is and will always be so .
That no matter what society tells us a man and a woman will never be equal . Genetic structure goes against every possibility. I learnt that by virtue of how we are created, I am above all else a woman , I crave security, I crave love and to be heard but, all and again above everything else my greatest strength lies in my power to concede .
I could not believe what I was hearing from Mrs. Obat , but I swallowed hard and asked but doesnt that leave me feeling so vulnerable ? And Mrs. Obat asked but arent you vulnerable every day of your life. Your vulnerable when you walk out of your house to go to the shop ,to go to work even the walls in your house are not strong enough to protect you . Why then would you feel vulnerable because you have to let someone else win or take charge ? And then again dont you seek a man for protection as well ?
A deep sigh and it all came together . What exactly am I looking for ? Interesting enough this wasnt enough .Then came the question on should I always allow him to lead even when I know his choices or decisions carry a far grave consequence than I am willing to take on or shoulder ?
Mrs. Obat said this is where again society lies to you. That you can make it without a man simply because your independent . She said learn how to talk it out with your friend the friend you chose as your companion. Present yourself and make your case known . If you are indeed friends then he will listen if not then atleast make sure that that man, your friend , your companion submits to a higher power or has that one person in his life he can listen to but under no means or circumstance should you forget that he is the leader , let him lead.
On and on we went , of sexual betrayal , choices and consequences .And Mrs. Obat said that the hardest thing a woman will have to face or endure is the pain of sexual betrayal. She said in her 17 years of marriage every morning she has woken up to something new , learnt new lessons every step of the way and so goes on the cycle . She said that as people, we are not perfect and especially 2 people coming together with all your years in experience but it is not the 2 people who are the problem it is the external factors that are thrown at them . Question here was look at the things that bring you problems do they have to do with you as an individual or are they external? ….. Yes she said it, marriage isn´t everything it is made out to be it is a culmination of hard work and a will to make it through ………
In the end as I said, I was left with more thoughts and even more questions than I had answers too. And here is where it all came to light …… my 30 days of wishing . This is what is behind my thirty days of wishing and in the end all I hope is, I will atleast have answered half of the question I have or maybe just have answered afew if not all the questions I have …. Hash tag for the day #concede… that sock that was carelessly thrown on the floor instead of the laundry basket , that toilet seat that was left up ……. not important …. there is a far greater purpose . #Concede…………………
|admit – allow – grant – acknowledge – recognize – accept|