“The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet. The difference between my sins and your sins is that when I sin I know I’m sinning while you have actually fallen prey to your own fabricated illusions. I am a siren, a mermaid; I know that I am beautiful while basking on the ocean’s waves and I know that I can eat flesh and bones at the bottom of the sea. You are a white witch, a wizard; your spells are manipulations and your cauldron from hell yet you wrap yourself in white and wear a silver wig.” ― C. JoyBell C.
I recently played back a conversation I had at the beggining when we started dating…. He got a phone call at some point in the middle of the night from a girl asking to be sorted out moneywise because she was in a fix . He said no, he couldnt and gave some excuse and the conversation ended. In the morning I asked again why would someone call you in the middle of the night to ask you for money and why single you out of the whole list of friends or everyone in their phone book and I too got some excuse for the same. As i progressed with my annoyingly inquisitive way so came the story.
After I listened to it ,I asked one very vital question, who is she to you ? And immediately came the response´ she was a one night stand……´ a few minutes of silence later came again another response ´no she was more than a one night stand.´ So I pondered and asked again ´so how come your no longer together?´ and he goes like ´she was the one who pushed herself to me, she had told all her friends we were dating even before we were and after all she new I had a girlfirend.´ mmhhh ! I thought and then I asked AGAIN, ´ so you still slept with her , took her out and did all those things you did with her and she knew you had a girlfriend ?… did you tell her this before you started your so called affair or did you just assume she knew ? ´ and he went silent then minutes later again came the retort ´she knew I had a girlfriend. I mean, everyone knew I had a girlfriend ……´
Fast forward to a few years later, here I was being told this story and the one critical question I asked my self then was what if this girl was me? …. whatever happened, happened but how would someone who you apparently had a thing with while they were still with someone else not even be sure of what exactly you were to them or what you even did or had. And this same person will call you , text you every so often and all this while you are supposed to be friends of some sort ??
Maybe its just me , or I have put to much thought into this, but I value alot the mark or impression I leave behind. Not necessarily what someone thinks of me but if anything if we were remotely close or somewhat had something or anything, I would not wish to be put in a category together with all the others………..
if anything to slavage face atleast is to have someone know what it is I meant to them or what I signify ….. Offcourse not everything will ever go as planned or go the movie way happy ending et al but in the end you have either made your peace with what transpired or dealt with the underlying issues ……